Month: May 2015

Well. My resolve to be a declutter maven didn’t last long. The same day that I was crowing about how good it felt to pass on unwanted stuff to a better home I stopped at the mall and bought myself a pair of jeans I didn’t need.

In my defense, let me explain:

I was on my way to a writing course. It’s a great course, but I tend to feel like an idiot before, during and after the class. So far I have heard that my work is off-putting, amateur, teenager-y, and lumbering. Ouch. At least I know will not have to worry about an inflated ego. I keep telling myself that feeling uncomfortable is a sign that I am getting out of my comfort zone and I will grow.  Needless to say, I experience some anxiety when I am on way to class.

Last night I was early so I decided to kill some time at the mall. I tried on a pair of denim joggers, described as “A sleek denim look fused with the cozy feel of well-worn sweatpants…so you can move,dance, and live however you want!” Pretty appealing, huh? I snatched them up, minimalism be damned.

Full disclosure: I was also attracted to them because the writing instructor wore a similar pair the week before (when my work was described as prissy and judgmental). I’ll admit that I have a bit of a straight girl crush on this instructor. She’s wickedly smart, talented, assured, and sports great casual outfits fit for a published author. A part of me thought that if I had a pair of similar jean joggers I would be more assured and writerly as well.

Pathetic? Sure. Creepy, bordering on a scene from Single White Female? Perhaps.

Anyway, there you have it. I have come clean and admitted that I am not the minimalist I hope to be. I am easily thwarted but I shall carry on – while wearing denim joggers that are remarkably comfortable.

It is the week of my birthday, an apt time to think about fresh starts and new beginnings. At least that feels more positive than dwelling on the fact that I am now firmly and undeniably middle aged.

For the past six months I have been thinking about what really matters and attempting to eliminate the stuff that is just stuff. Maybe it is part of my midlife crisis. I don’t want to look back on my life and realize that I wasted it chasing the wrong things.

I’m not the worst consumer I’ve ever encountered, but I do like stuff. I buy myself treats to celebrate or when I’m depressed, stressed or bored. If I know that I value love and connection above all, feel most peaceful in nature, most fulfilled attempting something creative, then why am I spending time in mall? If you behave contrary to your nature, recognize it, yet do it anyway, aren’t you setting yourself up for a ticket to crazytown?

I don’t think I’ll ever become a true minimalist, I’m too fond of cute things, but I would like to be a little more balanced. By taking baby steps toward decluttering I hope I can move in that direction, perhaps be a semi monk-like creature, albeit with a few dangling earrings and well edited tchotchkes .

On the eve of my birthday I was able to pass on some items to loved ones in the spirit of it being better to give than to receive. I gave a scarf that I never wore to my mom. I finally abandoned my dream of being an urban biker ( I’m too timid and wobbly) and gave my bike to my friend who just had his bike stolen. I passed on some clothes to a friend who is back in school and can’t afford to buy anything new. It felt good to clear out stuff and know that it is going to people who will appreciate it more than I did. Passing on some love and decluttering at the same time is a fine start to a new year.